Paperboy
Chapter 9 from Bill Owens' upcoming book "Chicken Heads"
Somehow, I got the Sacramento Bee paper route. Daily delivery would start with the folding of 132 papers, placing them in three large canvas bags. Another paperboy would then help me place the bags on the bike.
I would stand on the left side of the bike, gripping the handlebars. As the first bag is placed between the handlebars. A second double bag of papers is then placed over the back fender.
I’m now ready to mount the bike. I use my right foot to turn the pedal to the down position and then kick the kickstand up. Then move my right hand off the handlebars to grip the bicycle seat.
I leaned the bike away from my body, and I placed my left foot on the pedal. I push on the bike seat and use my right foot to pump the bike forward. Pumping and pushing the bike moves forward. When it had gained enough speed, I moved my hand from the bike seat to the handlebars. Next, I would throw my right leg over the bike seat and my foot would catch the pedal.
Standing on both pedals, I pumped the bike as hard as I could. Speed and balance were everything. “That a bike in motion will stay upright as long as it’s rolling in a straight line”. Falling over with a fully loaded bike was not an option. There would be blood.
To deliver the Bee, I had to find the homeowner’s paper box. This was difficult because the Sacramento Bee didn’t have a paper box; it was a metal tube. That was nailed to a fence or a tree.
To deliver the Bee, I would reach into the bag and grab a paper. Then, as I rode past the tube, I pushed the paper into it. Often, the paper ended up on the ground. I now had to make a quick decision. Should I swing around and stop and pick up the paper, or just keep peddling?
If I stopped and used the kickstand to balance the bike it would often crash to the ground. I can reassure you that picking up a bike loaded with paper bags isn’t easy! So, I just kept peddling.
City paper boys had it easy. They can drop a paper on the driveway or toss it onto a lawn and ride on to the next house.
In the end, I realized I just didn’t have the patience to be a paper boy. I think I had ADD, or maybe I was just plain lazy.
At the end of the month, I went around the route collecting the paper money. People complained, saying the paper was on the ground. They also complained to the route manager about the dirty papers. After two months, my route was given to an older kid.
I later learned this kid was such a good paperboy that people were giving him 50-cent tips. Not me. I was in too much of a hurry to get the job done.
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